how to miss a flight??

this blog might fall under informational category :-). this is to let you all know that I have grown bigger with time and started missing even flights :-) :-).
the only thing i would have missed in my life before were the local buses that fly between pmna and angadipuram.if you miss one,the other one will come within a minute.
in states,i have missed the local shuttles few times and had ended up waiting for next 30 minutes.
the only other occassion which i remember is a near missing of train in kottayam in 1992 after i was returning from sakhym's state camp. when me and my friend arrived in the platform,the train had just started moving and we some how managed to find ourselves inside the train and i lost my camp file in the process.

i had wondered when i used to read about instances where people missing their flights ( excluding the transit ones :-) ).
couple of times i have read news about people from kerala travelling to middle east ending up in the same airport where they started off from ...
reason is being "fell asleep"...
imagine you starting off a trip in a plane from point A to point B.
and you fell asleep..
plane reach point B after 4.5 hrs and all the ppl get out of the plane..all the passengers being keralites,i often wonder how some one didnt woke you up while he was leaving.
and the plane heads to point C..( well i missed another point..B and C are in 2 different countries :-) )
people board from C...still no one finds you sleeping or you dont get disturbed by the incoming passengers...
cabin crew never noticed you any time ...
and finally you arrive in A after some 8-9 hrs ... with some 3-4 meals served in between..to realise that you just took a longer nap than the usual one..
hard to believe??
i have read 2 such instances so far in malayalam newspapers.

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now comes my story..

last monday i had to catch a flight from ohare,Chicago at 7.50 am.
i told my friend to wake me up at 5.30 am. my calculation being 45 minutes to get ready and another 45 minutes to airport. so i will be at airport by 7 am. pretty simple, straight, maths.
i woke up at 5.30 and was out of the house by 6.15 am. every thing is as per plans.
i couldnt find the driving directions to airport in the car. but then i know how to get to the free way that takes me to airport.so i start off.
its winter out there in mid west and am not that familiar with mid west climate..
bad vision in the morning..i just missed my exit to free way but didnt take much to realise that i already missed it. made a U at the next possible intersection and got back to the right route.

as soon as i entered the free way i realised couple of facts..rather re collected :-).
ohare is the one of the most busiest airports in the world !!!!
well..the definition of world is relative for us..but is not so for the airports..they are running on absolute statistics..
for a very long time..world was perintalmanna for me..after some 15 yrs it slowly expanded in another 50 miles in diameter..after another 7 yrs ..it expanded exponentially and became, 250 miles in diameter!!!!
of all these places, we had just one airport and i never had any business with air planes...
back to point...while driving on the free way,i recollected ohare is the busiest airport in the world and the traffic towards the airport reinforced that piece of information..
i could only drive at 30 mph.
then i realised its a monday morning and traffic might be heavier than usual.
then i realised, i have rented a car and is supposed to return it at the place from where i rented it from !!!!

so after 45 minutes...i found myselves at the car rental place..
2-3 minutes for the formalities out there and i found myselves in the shuttle to airport..
another 3-4 minutes for the shuttle to leave..
the access road to airport is pretty crowded and shuttle cant move faster than 15 mph...
finally..
i arrive at the airline desk at 7.25 am..
i try to do an automatic checking and the machine told me to meet an agent..
i knew what the agent was going to tell me :-)
i went and met the agent and she told me "you are late !!...you cannot go by this flight"
and issued me another ticket for the next available flight.
and i realised that i have moved to an elite class...."the class of people who missed atleast a flight"

how many of you have missed it???? :-) :-) :-)

walkin in the rains...

when did it start to rain? am not sure.but while we were returning from dinner,i felt it was drizzling.

when i was almost home,it started to pour.looks like its going to be a rainy nite !!

and when i was walking towards home it started to rain hard.i felt pretty happy about it.it hardly rains here.

once in a while..but when it rains,its really nice to be around.
i get nostalgic whenever it rains here.the rains here, have the same rythm as those in perintalmanna.i got home and pulled up my blinds..my window is a long broad sliding glass.there are no grills across as we have it back home.a sevens football team can easily come inside my room with hardly any effort but just jumping over my half wall..well..we cant imagine about such windows back home...it would be foolish to build such a window :-) :-). i pushed the window a bit,so that i can listen to rains better. i think its a bit windy outside.the rain is lashing against the glass.

************* lost in thoughts ********

few minutes later,back to present...

looks like the rain has changed her tunes..its more soft and flat.
i can hear the rain drops lashing against my window panes..
i kept the window a lil open..just a lil..to hear it better..
hmmm..who gave her this melodious tunes???
i pulled up my blanket ...lemme call it a day...
while waitin for the sleep i thought about rains in thrissur..
thts where i had spent my bachelors days..when i was staying with my uncle and grand mother during my college days..
its a tiled roof..and rain was too smart to find gaps thru the tiles..
whenever it rained hard ... it was like a small pool inside our home ..well..it isnt just a pool..many a pools scattered around..
but it was fun listening to the ramming of drops onto the tiles.
that fun is lost forever...my house got razed off when my uncle decided to build a new home.

i realised that while we grow older..we start loosing many things we cherish..from the first school box to homes..
************************* sleep **************************
7.oo am,next day :
i woke up to the chanting of the rains....it seems to be a great morning..
its long since i woke up to a rainy day..i felt so elated.its raining hard.

i felt am home...the sound of the rain making its way through the cocconut trees and chemapaka maram used to make me ecstastic..the joy that filled up cannot be expressed in words..its a state of life..
while getting ready to go to work..i suddenly felt the idea...
why not walk to work today???

its hardly 2 kilometers..
i searched for my umbrella for a while and could finally find it in a back pack.
when i stepped out onto the rain,i felt like going back some 15 yrs in my life..schooling days !!!!
when it rains heavily thru the nite..there would be a small stream crossing our road ..it due to an over flowing pond near by ..
crossing that stream was the real fun...looking for fishes in that stream was the most exciting event of the day.
well..its a lil chilly out here..but i can manage..
why not a tea??
so i took a detour to the starbucks..
some time back i had quit drinking tea when i felt its becoming an addiction..
i didnt drink tea for almost 90 days..
these days i started taking a tea or 2 a day...i dont think its that harmfull :-)..after all wats the point in denying all those things i really enjoy in my life to make my life better..
but i had a change..from black tea i switched to green tea..
these days i take green tea...and u know it comes without milk/sugar.
its just plain tea bags and hot water..
but it does taste good..give it a try if u are yet to experience it..
u mite not like it :-) :-)..
While walking to work...i was lost in thoughts..thoughts about home...yester years..rains..school..college..bangalore..folks..
the cool breeze thats accompanying the rain made me shiver at times..looks like the wind is all set to run away with my umbrella..
let me get to work faster...
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the first thing i did after reaching work was to pull up my blinds there too..its raining every where..its raining as long as i can see..when wind blows..the rain is swaying like a dancer..

wat a day it is gonna be...
its one of those most beautiful days...
i felt like going to bekal fort..thats one place where i wish to be when it rains..
standing on those fort walls..its a visual feast to watch the rains in the sea in solitude..
with one or two small boats making their way deep..u'll feel u are lost..
the feelings that occupy my mind those moments are beyond my words..
but i know u too know wat am talkin about..
before i submerge in my thoughts and disappear..lemme just publish this..
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am waiting for the next rain...its an an indefinite waiting..am enjoying the agonies of it..

like a hornbill..

untimed thoughts...

For a change,i walked to work last week end.its around 2.5 miles and it takes around 40 minutes to my work by walk.it was a bright sunny day in the southern tip of west coast and i found it pleasant to walk.i stopped by a starbucks on my way and bought my most favorite drink :-)
black tea awake,2 tea bags,grande,room for cream :-)).every time i go to starbucks i say the same sentence.i think i never get bored by repititions.
almost at every place,i make the same choice over and over and over :-)).
well..some time back...i gave up the habit of drinking tea..i used to drink 6-8 tea a day and i continued that habit for almost 10 years.
when did i start it??
i think it was during my college days..when i had spend more time outside the classes than inside :-). was i a political leader?? never!!
i was just another follower.i never held any positions,never contested elections,never lead strikes,never did any thing significant to be remembered.
i just lived in a world of my own in that college.was never with the main stream.hardly any one would have liked me out there :-)).
i belonged to a very closely held group and that group dictated the terms in that college :-)).i had an idea about the hatred civil batch and kolenghat hostel had for me.all i never knew was wat wrong did i do to them any time.well..its too trivial to talk about those baseless rivalries.it never did me any harm.am not sure whether that fued benefited them any way either.all i was interested those days was to win elocution competitions :-)).
wat a seamless transition,from a bright sunny day in west coast,united states to thrissur....20,000 kms and 10 years !!!!
am humbled by the speed of mind.it doesnt take even seconds to move back and forth in time axis...
back to the bright sunny day,west coast,united states...
while waiting for my tea in starbucks i was thinking about a chain email that was running among us.it was a trip planning email and it ended up in my lefist inclination and recently acquired "bourgeois" ic tastes :-).
which is true infact..
addiction to starbucks,fascination for tommy hilfger t shirts,picky about gap trousers,insisting on north star back pack and timerland shoes..
what am i these days?
a transformed socialist??
rather a dead socialist and a new born captialist??
though i admit my likings,i think ideologies still remain the same..
my heros are still gandhi and nehru..i still favor the socialist movement.

back to thrissur,kerala,india..
i had been to my college last time i went to india.
i was welcomed by a pleasant surprise :-).
one of my teachers...(he dont remember me as a student of his :-) )
stopped me on those corridors..and asked me a question which i never expected.
"arent u that guy who gave that speech on that day?" and he quoted me..
i was overwhelmed...
8 years later some one remembering a sentence of mine...that was some thing.
till that moment i was feeling am into an alien world..no one seem to remember me ..those corridors,give me a "Stranger feel"..
but my professor changed it all with a single word.i got back that feeling of belonging.i would have walked across those corridors how many times a day??mostly for nothing.rarely in search of some one.
today just from no where,those corridors came back to my thoughts.
they were the silent witness to my first love :-).thts how i know them better.it blossomed in those corridors,just to die an ungraceful death later in bangalore...well am not here to talk abt that any more :-).

back to west coast..
it was deepavali yester day.well...i dont celebrate it..
early morning my friend called and asked whether am interested in having puttu-kadala???
i should be mad to turn down such an offer.15 minutes later i was busy eating puttum kadala curryum at his place.the most adored keralite breakfast.i felt am back home in perintalmanna..(well if i were in perintalmanna i would have changed my preferences :-)).).
a great breakfast after a long time.mostly i have 2 choices for my breakfast ... oatmeal or bagel.i keep switching between the two.
it didnt stop there..
a great lunch followed..beef fry being the special :-))))
(am pretty sure my mother is not gonna read this blog.she doesnt even know i rite one :-)..else she would have got hurt..
for she couldnt make me follow whatever she follows and what she believes to be right..
well..she should have given up such hopes long back..if not i admire her perseverance.. )

an after noon watching a 1984 movie.i admire MT for his scripts.i wish i were him.i would written sagas about human emotions.just about them and nothing else..

an evening in the indian place of the town..eating some north indian snacks..a ride to pacific coast..a lil time at the water front on a high tide hr..a stroll through the down town streets ...it was a great day y'day...

and today ....
corridors kept me busy :-)

a day in thoughts..
of course,un timed..as it is always :-))

nothing..

am busy these days..a lil more work load and few things to take care of take away most of my creative time.i was thinking of publishing a blog for a while.to be frank am in pursuit of some topics..
today..i was waiting for some one to turn up..and then thought i mite scribble some thing in the mean time.but then..am not getting the flow to rite.my sentences are breaking ...
let me get back.....
may be some other time i will rite abt waitings ..
the uncertainity of waiting..
the rejoice at the end of a wait..
the tinge of despair...
and the ocassional frustration that accompany a long waiting..
the thoughts that run down when we keep waiting..
the images that flash in our thoughts..the incidents we love to cherish..
contemplations abt the sequences of events to follow at the end of a wait..
the relief that it brings when a wait is finally over..
too many things rite :-)
well..lemme keep it aside for another day..

to my unknown comrade....

Its onam back home.
am missing it for the first time in my life.i used to rush home for a full week vacation during onam time just to join my crowd and enjoy the festive mood.
even if i dont do any thing special and spend time on the recliner in my balcony over looking the almost deserted mud road ( it got converted to a tar road some years back),it was fun.the air around says it all.its filled with serene joy.every one try to be happy those days.there is a glow in every one's eyes;reflecting the hopes they confine within..
we do lots of things those days..making flower carpets,visit to temple early morning,new dress,feasts,guests,cultural programmes(i remember going all the way to state capital once to see the cultural programmes out there),get togethers,games, trip to our ancestral home ( did i gave you a picture of a huge old house :-), if so am mis guiding you :-)) ).
i dont think i can transplant that "feel" onto this blog.yet i was making an attempt.
This time,am far off.
when my town rock in joy,I wont be around.
am off to Grand Canyon,Arizona for a 2 day hike this time.
its never a festival but a feeling for me..a unique feeling.just like any other feeling we possess.and i think its the same for most of the keralites too..every one have their own share of warmth and memories about this festival making it so special..
catch u guys sooner..if i return frm canyon in good shape :-)

revisiting my blog..

its a sunday evening out here on west coast.a bright sunny evening.
i had to work on some thing i and was mostly on that.i just got out of it.like many a evenings i wish,i could sip a tea with a cutlet with a few of my school mates talking absolute non sense at KR bakery on calicut road.but some other dreams drove me far from home.
it drove me as far as it can.(i dont think any place is far farther than this pacific coastal city in the extreme west from my home town in the south east).and its natural that the most strongest emotion of mine these days will be nostalgia :-). (well ...hmm..am not sure :-) ).
but mostly i write about a life back home.i never intended to write any thing about my life in the west though it was really exciting and interesting so far.

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last time i came back to write on sabarimala.i dont want to add a sequel to the same stuff though the story has taken new horizons ever since i wrote about it.its not worth a topic.it might expose the nexus between religious institutions and mafias of different sorts.i realised long back that religious institutions lack the sanctity they are supposed to haveways have and that might be a reason i stopped visiting them.they have ceased to support me spiritualy any futher.
This time am more concerned with the security of my homeland.
government says the country is under threat.that too from inside.
things are getting worser while we try to put up a pleasant face.
situations are forcing the population to look at the siblings with supsicion and fear.no one knows who is a terrorist or a "freedom fighter" as they call themselves.from what are they trying to achieve freedom from??
is it from the indian union or is it from us ( the indian population)?
or are they mere puppets in the hands of dark forces across our borders?
well ..
seeking for answers to my question can get me a doctorate in " unrest in india".thats never my intention.
its alarming that more and more youth is getting drawn into such destructive coward ideas.whats so heroic or divine in silently planting a remotely controlled exposive device in a busy market and ripping apart the lives of 100's who doesnt even know the meaning of the word -- independence?
its a pain when a father who g0 to the market to buy vegetables for the family's meal returns home as a victim to global terrorism.
does any god or religion approve these heinous acts?
if so its high time for us to them.
like most of us,me too is perplexed whenever i think about the motive of such acts of terrorism.
but its time for us to get past our ignorance in this aspect of modern world.its becoming more of our responsibility to fight this rather than leaving it to super powers and governments.
each one of us has the obligation to make sure that another terrorist is not groomed.as all of us know,no one is born as a terrorist .each one of them went through what most of us also went through.childhood and adolescence for sure.we walked together and would have dreamed together for long.at some point,they just walked away from us.
and no sooner we saw some positioned on the other side.
what made them to walk across? who snatched them away from us?
if we could answer these 2 questions,we are half way through.
is it just all about religion?or does it have other dimensions as well?
we need to think deep on this.
its high time we wake up.we cant afford to loose our siblings any more.
we dont want them to blow up many a dreams every other day.
we should remember that the thin line that demarcate us from the victims is invisible.its just our luck which spare us every time until now.but then we dont know what tommorow has in store for us.
its a question of survival for us as well.where should we start from?
schools,universities,social institutions,hosptials,centers of worships,bus stations,railway platforms???
to be honest,i dont know.
i always felt schools are the best place to start many a practises.
nationalist idealogies should be nutured in the young generations at a very early age.schools and religious institutions should come forward and agree upon a curriculum for nationalism to be taught in schools.
i always feel that our curriculum is not paying enough respect for nationalism and secularism of the country.the kids should feel proud of our democratic beliefs and secularist existence.
we should mould a generation who is aware of this mighty nation's history and how we integrated religions into our society with respect and warmth.
its high time for us to realise that nationalism should far above religion and political states doesnt exist by virtue of the religion it confine within its borders.religion is just an aspect of any individual and not the only aspect which differentiate him from his bretheren.

being cautious and afraid is no solution to any problem.at some point we need to take it head on and its wiser to do so before we get engulfed by it.
then its more of fighting for survival.else its fighting down the evil :-).

i wish the state will soon roll out terrorism eradication plans with a vision.we need to liberate the younger minds of our nation.we need to groom them as citizens of a mighty nation that takes pride in its universal affection and brotherhood. a nation that believed in and showed the world the strength of ahimsa.

may the next dawn be of promise and hope.
lets live a life of peace and affection.
lets not leave our siblings to die on streets any more.
lets fight this new evil of our time.
awake !!! arise !!! and stop not until the goal is reached !!!!

Jai Hind !!!!

what is rotting in shabarimala??

its a month since i wrote last time. it was a month of happenings world wide.
brazil crashed out of world cup to my disbelief.i was stunned to see my all time favorites going out.i lost interest in soccer almost instantenously.
well co ordinated serial blasts ripped mumbai once again after a break. this time the death toll fell just short of 200.following the blasts,i received lots of emails describing the greatness of mumbaikars who went for work the next day as usual. i think we are picking up wrong examples for mightiness and greatness.
thats how big cities react to any thing. they just return to their status quo over a nite. if mumbai was to make a difference, they should have brought the city to perfect stop for a day or two and that would have triggered shock waves down the spine of our government.
returning to normal the very next day would have helped every one to leave behind the trauma such an act of terrorism brought to many a families across the nation.we lost around 200 of our siblings for nothing.. our government was very prompt in their statements.they sticked to the rituals with great fervour. they warned our neighbours against their support for anti indian interests in their soils and warned terrorist organisations against the consequences.their part is done !!
and to add a lil color to the whole episode all top guns visited the survivors.beyond that did we ever reacted any time against such inhumane act of terrorism towards our citizens any time???
am not calling for a war.am pretty confident in the strength of our armed forces.why cant the government request our forces to uproot terrorism within our borders before asking our neighbours to tame it.
i wont be suprised any time if some stories disclose the immoral alliances of national leaders with the anti national groups.our governments never exhibited any determination in wiping out the internal terrorism,the clean up of panjab being an exception.
we saw an extreme to the previous incident.just when 3 of its soliders ( or was it two? ) were killed,Israel didnt hesistate to launch a very fierce attack on the neighbouring state to uproot the terrorist outfits operating across its border.they are at the verge of a full fledged war at this moment.more than 300 died in vegnance,and was it an act of patriotism? was it an act of might?
well..i have no answers..for i wish to hold my thoughts on such issues close to my heart :-)
GSLV and Agni 3 mis fired.
as we all know, its pretty common to have failures in Space Missions.but this time,it happened at a time when we never expected it to happen.these failures for sure,will take a toll on the confidence of our great scientists who are working hard to put us on the commerical rocket manufacturer's league.
Indian Army executed a text book operation to save a kid out of a tube well in hariyana.
its high time for the local governing bodies to take an account of how many such open wells are there in their neighbourhood just waiting to swallow a kid any day. we shouldnt loose our kids to our negligence. i wish we will get all such wells closed in time so that we dont loose more prafuls ( the kid who died in such a freaking accident in kasargode,kerala,india when he fell into an abandoned tube well).

thus,july was full of happenings...
last week end we had the record temperature in Sandiego. Believe me,it was 50 degree celcius.
thts the highest temperature i ever saw in my life. and what were we doing on the hottest day??
we were climbing a mountain :-). with absolutely no shades,the rocky trails of iron mountain tested our strengths on saturday. a 3 mile hike upward, was a cake walk according to me.
15 minutes after we started,i had to swallow my words :-)). but finally i made it to the top.
but it was an exhausting hike.i never felt so tired in near past.
on sunday,while visiting a chineese store,i came across some thing interesting..Muringayila
and karumoosum kaaya ( well..its just the pappaya..we have our own terminology for many a things :-).malappuram dialect of malayalam isnt all that easy for an outsider :-)) ).
so sunday nite,we cooked some thing classic.murangiyila-parippu kari and pappaya thoran..
a typical,traditional malayalee delicacy. i felt i was having my dinner in kerala that nite.
( back home in kerala,there were 2 pappaya trees behind my home. i dont remember ever eating a single piece of pappaya from those trees.i hated pappaya to the core and always avoid pappaya thoran :-). years later i realised my aversion for pappaya had ceased to exist.)

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you would have already thought or atleast started thinking what is the connection with all that is scribbled and the title???..even i have such doubts :-))

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Shabarimala : a scared place of worship for hindus in south india. its the second largest temple in south india in terms of number of devotees i believe.unique for its restriction on women. no women between 10 and 55 are allowed to visit the temple.
temple is located admist thick forests in western ghats and is accessbile only on certain days of the year. millions visit the temple every year.

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Shabarimala had been the center of contraversies for a while. in the past it started with the nilakkal parish issue which almost broke into a communal viloence in early 80's, i think it was in 83.it started with some pastor un earthing a stone cross near the mahadeva temple,nilakkal.
the stone cross was claimed to be established by st.thomas.rest is history and i have no intention to talk further on that.
then came the poonkavanam project which was aimed at looting hectres of land around the sanidhanam by the last government of kerala.ministers like oommen chandy and KM Mani who deserve a golden throne in the political history of kerala, were very enthusiastic in realising the project which claims to provide great facilities to the pilgrims of lord aiyappa.
the plan was convert sabarimala to another tirupati and the motive :-) ... REVENUE.
the temple is owned and operated by Travancore Devasom board, a major revenue generator for the government.
everyone with some sense and affection for this great pilgrim center fought hard against this move there by forcing the government to withdraw the plans for time being.else they would have comfortably sold off this great temple complex to some delhi based firm, in return,would have made the decision makers billionaires over nite.

then came the contraversial "deva prashnam".
deva prashnam is a process of probing into the likes/dislikes of the god.
i dont know about the communication protocols used for this complex procedure and i dont think god is going to disclose his/her mind to any one as well.a very known astrologer of kerala used his diction effectively and spoke out many a truths which is known to public as "heavenly displeasure" spurring off another spell of debates.

This time it was regarding the presence of women in the temple complex which is forbidden according to the rituals of the temple.
he said the god is highly displeased with many a happenings in the complex including a woman touching the diety inside sanctum sanctorum.
if u had ever been to sabarimala u'll realise how impossible it is for a woman to reach the diety.
instead of disapproving such a disclosure as baseless alegation with some hidden notions,it invoked huge uproar among the devotees.giving the most dramatic twist to such a story,came an actress who claimed she touched the diety during her visit to temple.
instead of investigating how could she reach the temple complex,violating the primary law of the temple,the argument was focussed on whether wat she said is rite or wrong?
so devaprashanam ended in chaos.the only person to benefit out of it is the astrologer himself.the increase in his clientele in coming months will talk all about it. i cant see no one but a shrewd business man in him.
as all of us do he invested heavily on his skill to reap fortunes.to his fortune, religion and belief have bigger stake in lives than software :-) :-).

now comes the anti climax..
the chief priest is suspected to be involved in immoral trafficking.
that had hit the press in a big way.its really a big news for them.after taking VS Achuthanandan to power and then criticising the government for their attempts to the tame the minority power politics,the media in kerala lacked a direction. this is fortune in disguise.wat more will bring a better viewership/readership???
the most reverent priest of kerala,who is god as such for millions of devotees of aiyappa, is caught for "unethical sexual relationship".

let the arguments continue and law take its course...

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i dont think the priest did a grave sin. he just went with the majority.
but he forgot the basics.whether he is guilty or not is yet to proved.
but if we can believe the print media,there is not even a bit of suspicion whether he did wat he is accused of doing?.lust took its toll on him.
i sympathise with him.the very crowd which fell on his feet till y'day will stone him. the luxury of being the cheif in sabarimala is almost gone.
he killed the golden goose.he can regret it for the rest of his life.
leaving it aside..
whether he is found guilty or not,i dont think he did any thing unpardonable as an individual.as a priest,i dont think he is eligible to be any where near a temple (forget sabarimala,any temple of any sort where he is the middle man between god and the public)any more.
he fell prey to an evil plan but doesnt deserve any mercy since the position he was holding demands toooo much.


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it doesnt need any divine power to understand that the divinity of sabarimala is perishing.
when i visited sanidhanam in 94 i realised its a perfect messy place.
highly crowded,un hygenic to a power of 10000 raised to the same.
polluted,mis managed,neglected golden goose.thts wat sanidhanam is.
i decided i might not return to that temple complex. well its not a pledge of mine but just a feeling of mine which is remain intact till today.
am never sure about my tommorows.the government who eats off the big pie the temple brings (it was 690 million indian rupee last year) have no care for this holy place.if it were a minority center of worship,goverment would have made it a heaven and subsidies would made it a lovely place to be.may be u get incentives to visit tht place :-)). ( with the minority appeasing tactics displayed by the congress government of ommen chandy,i wont be surprised if government offer such an incentive too )
am afraid that criticizing baseless minority appeasing might be termed as anti minority stand these days.
the very govt which give repeated subsidies to hajj pilgrims,charge a phenomenal special rate in state owned buses to sabarimala.
a basic example for the attitude of government towards this place of worship.

its high time for the believers and worshippers to unite and save this great pilgrim destination of south india from the claws of a pack of wolves pretending as its saviours
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am not an ardent worshipper any more. so it doesnt hurt or disturb me any more.but am sure,it is disturbing for many a people around me.
henceforth,i thought its worth sharing some views with my unknown readers.

apologies in advance if i hurted any sentiments of any body.
i just exercised my freedom of speech.

yet another weekend..

Another week end passed away ; just like many of its predecessors.
without any plans.a couple of movies,good food,some calls.it was a laid back one.
am waiting for the next weekend.i have big plans for that one. friday evening i will flyout to los angeles.will catch up with my friends in airport and together we will fly to denver.
we are gonna hike rocky mountains on saturday.as per plans sunday we will go to mount rushmore,South Dakotta.monday again in denver.and tuedsday evening we'll packup.
it should be a great trip.
sitting back home,i had some thoughts on football.lemme share them with u folks..
enjoy ur week !!!!!

am pretty excited now.it has been long,since i started thinking of a blog in malayalam.
but it never realised...just like many of my other dreams.but today,am on the verge of accomplishing this goal of mine. a blog in malayalam. i dont know what to scribble down.
so here i go with some random thoughts of mine..
as usual,all about yesterdays !!!

paradigm shift...my way :-)

i had an evening of reminisce..and was reading thru some old emails of mine..i found this one worth publishin...here it goes...

***********************
Comrade

TODAY is a very special day in my life :-).
today i brought a lunch box to my office.and whoever knows my really well, know thats the last thing i wanted to do.
never in life i liked to carry a lunch box with me.and never before did i thought,i will be doing this some time later.
my school was pretty close by.so i used to rush home for a quick lunch admist shoutings from my lovely grand mother for my haste and sprint bak to school to join the soccer during lunch time.
Even after she walked away,i used to come home during lunch breaks.after 10th standard i was a free bird.away from home and just enough money in pocket,me with my hostel mates in MIT,Thrissur found lots of places to eat lunch during our +2.Bharath was the best among them.(saju and asif can take a break and refresh those days :-) )even now..after 12 yrs those attenders in bharath recognise me and walk down to me and refresh memories and express delight on my travel ahead.so whenever am in town,i used to find time to drive down to bharath and meet those selfless souls just for a friendly smile and a couple of loving words.there are lot many things in this life which is worth billions yet forgotten :-)).i met and got friendly with nawab rajendran in those visits to Bharat.we often shared a table for tea and spoke a little.he was a charming person to talk indeed.a true philanthrophist !!!.may his soul rest in peace.
Then came in the engineering days.i was the king,i was the god.my weekly budgets were hiked.thanks to my dad.i had enough money to live a life out there.i lived with my uncle in those 4 yrs.
he too was generous once in a while :-)).in btw he got married and my aunt cooked very well.but my aversion for lunch boxes remained stronger.eatouts in thrissur were plenty.
Thanks to manjith...my lunch mate for 4 yrs.he used to take me for lunch in car or bike..and we had great time.some times joined by pinto,sanju,faisal and who not :-)).
Thanks to thanuja for all those biriyani and fried rice you brought for me during those 4 yrs.life never stalled there.it flew and i was in bangalore soon after my course.thanks to BPL for those campus interviews which i never had in the wildest of my dreams.( Thanks to sanju for filling up those forms for me ).In BPL there was a good canteen.Lunch Boxes were still untouche .No sooner i realised pastures are greener else where and headed to my present home,Wipro.lot many offices in last 4.5 yrs or so.every where there was a canteen.and had great lunch mates wherever i went.( Guyz and Galz. I remember you for those great moments we shared ) lunch boxes remained out of question and thoughts.
Right Now it has become a neccesity.i have to walk 2 miles if i need to eat out.am fed up of that food too.(its really costly as well) Mac Burgers doesnt fascinate me any more.and so does Afgan kababs and Mexican delicacies.
My room mates in bangalore shouldnt faint reading the following lines.Thank god that my mother dont have an email Address( i dont remember her NIC id if she have one).if she had one and she if do read me,she would have flied down here to make sure am the same son who left her a week back :-)).
Today morning,i got up at 6.(Saju Francis.. i really miss that morning tea these days.i always wait for you to call me and then realise am else where :-(( ..its a pain.)
got ready pretty fast.made my break fast.corn flakes,bread toast,boiled eggs and tea all by myselves.then i did cooked my lunch.Boiled rice and a curry.packed my lunch in the lunch box and left home for office at 8 am.Some of You wont find it great.but i can see many eye brows goin up and too many folds appearing on fore heads :-)).
Am i turning good ?? Becoming that good boy my teachers always wanted me to be ??. Am i becoming a son of my mother's expectations ??
Am afraid !! since i feel,this is not the end,its not even the beginning of the end,but just the end of the beginning.
Am happy with myselves today.and with whom do i share this joy if not with you.

Sudheer

moment of rejoice.

some time last week,when a phone started ringing some where in qatar,at the other end,i felt my heart pounding in ectasy.
7 years !!!.last 7 years i had been thinking about this call.
i wanted to talk to some one whom i cared a lot.some one with whom i shared a unique warmth.some one who was my well wisher always.well..just a well wisher?? i dont think so.. :-).some one who stood by me in any storm.some one had faith in me any day.some who often brought me biriyani and cutlets during college days :-)).
can i call her my friend...but am afraid thats too much of a generalisation and is a grave injustice to the affection we share between us.can i call her my sister? she was almost.i believe thats more fairer!a friendly sister???.well,let me not attempt any further to name that relation.some relations are beyond a name.they dont fit into conventional definitions.
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but i had no idea where she was.

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on a peaceful evening, if we paddle back through our yester years,am sure we are gonna come across some souls;souls that touched our life.souls who lit up atleast a day of our lives.
we met them at some busy corners of life.then travelled together for a while.a joyous travel indeed.then at some other corner,we parted our ways with them for our roads diverged.whether we bid adieu or not ,we went else where.slowly they disappeared into oblivion.we underwent many a reincarnations :-) and our world transformed to the present.
on an another cross road,we suddenly get lost in memories.
some long lost faces come back to us.most of them will fade away sooner;but some stay back .we feel for them and realise they left no traces.we dont know where to look for.but still we start looking around for we wish we met them.

****************************************************************
some time in 99,i started looking around.had no luck.tried in some old numbers.they werent valid any more.i asked a few folks.they had no idea.
i gave up.
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last week,i got an email id. i was overhelmed.i wrote an email asking am i still remembered :-)). there comes a reply talking about the attempts made to trace me.ohhh....that is what unitude of mind is all about.
and then came the number i looked all around for..
*****************************************************************
too many pictures and thoughts are flooding my mind,while I wait for the call to get connected.
what will i talk about??nothing..absolutely nothing.
its all about a moment of rejoice..

reunion....

There is a place where i want to go always - NewYork.
had read alot about that town since i started reading and for a middle class lad in a small town in malappuram..even mumbai was beyond the reach.
But then nothing remains forever. Pictures keep changing every other day and destiny me took me across seven seas to the wild wild west.From Malappuram to California..it was a long journey. may be some time i should write about those yester years..but definitely not today for am to write to about some thing some else.

Last week end i took a red-eye flight to Philadelphia,PA.
it was a very exciting travel for me. after 5.5 hrs when i landed in Phili,i was just waiting to reach the arrival terminal. There i had one of my warmest reunion so far.
my school buddy was waiting for out there. My friend with whom i studied in the upper primary classes in my own town.
That was some thing worth remembering and cherishing.
20,000 kms away from our home town,i dont know what you feel,when you meet some one with whom u had your childhood. for me,nostalgia is all about moments like this.
while following him to his home, i had to try hard to keep my mind to driving...
memories of perintalmanna and school years came rushing and fillin me with an overhelming joy.after love,nostalgia is the most graceful emotion humans can ever have..
and the joy of a reunion???
its beyond words...
u wont realise it,until you have one..
wishing you a very memorable reunion sooner....

week end..

last week end was pretty cool..i should say pretty chilled ;-)
it started raining from friday nite..
when it rains,i love san diego..it rains like my home town..the same way..
it rains in a rhytm..and it rains for long..i rolled up my window blinds..so that i can see the rains across my window..
the lost symphony :-))
and it wasnt just a rain..after a long gap of 7 yrs..i saw a hail storm..
i still remember my first hail storm in bangalore in 1999..
it was awesome..the terrace was full of hail..me and pinto took a plastic bag and brought a bag full home frm our terrace..
we washed them..and ate quite a bit of them :-)))))
i dont know whether pinto will read me ..frm cologne..i wish he did..
and then called me up to reminisce those yesterdays ...
then i had a shorter one..some time last year when me and vinay was driving to canyon frm pheonix..but it didnt last..
i slept to the tunes of rain..and i missed the cries of frogs..
whenever it rains at home..in the nite u hear frogs cryin frm the fields
and well..and grandma..says..snakes will get out for a hunt..
she wasnt wrong..during rainy season..snakes were uninvited guests..
we start meeting them in the courtyard,near the well..in the fields
rarely in the kitchen :-))
i still remember an evening when i heard a cluttering sound in kitchen..and when i went lookin...a snake rite on the kitchen top..
some time i miss those days..wherein there was barely any seperation frm nature..though generates an unpleasant feeling...snakes never frightened us..they kept visitin..but for them things werent that cool..
many a times..it happened to be their last visit..where did i go talkin abt rains in sandiego.. :-)
this is often a problem with me..i tend to connect every thing to my home..good or bad? i dont know ..thats how i am :-)

Saturday..
woke up to the patter of the rain..made a tea..sat watchin the rains for a while..
hmmmm..again ...another hail..
thought of gettin out..but..dont think its a good idea..temperature is already 4 degrees..its pretty cold..and another spell of fever doesnt look so promising..

Sunday..
will rite later.. :-)

in bewailment...

It had been long since i had a broadcast.i was silent for a while for i had lost my drive to pen down any thing.i realised the writer in me is dieing slowly.i never wanted to stop him any day and my silence prolonged.but then suicidal tendencies are no good and am bak.
i dont know how many of you know bhavani teacher..atleast i dont know her personally.
the first time i read about her was in 2004 april,during seventh heaven days of my bachelorhood in bangalore in aishwarya.
(i wish the rest of my life was just like those days forever,with just one addition.but we know those days are lost forever.)
the days where i never cared for any thing and was just bak from the paradise of heaven,kashmir and just got our big brother married off.
the days wherein we just brushed aside any thing as silly..and the days where i believed tears are for lesser men.days where nothing worried us.
( i meant my folks in aishwarya ...my palace in bangalore :-) am sorry..i cant just call it a home..it was a palace indeed..not a single day in aishwarya had a tinge of sorrow or pains..any one who came into our home..went back in smiles and joy.)
and we.....
we just kept goin places...still rememberin those road trips to my home back in perintalmanna..via the forests of bandipur and nagarholle..counting the elephants on way..the trips to thirunelli..mysore..kuruva..i was almost on a trip bak to a childhood..
so happy..so peaceful..and so careless... :-).

in one of those golden days....i came across a news in one of the malayalam dailies..
a 62 yr old woman gave birth to a kid in thiruvananthapuram..it was a test tube baby..yet another but remarkable feat of science....
every one saw god's hand there..and atleast some would have praised for his kind heartedness..
it was so curious a news for me. 62 yrs..and a kid..first i frowned..and then i admired..
i just went ahead and read all about a lone elderly woman with lots of set backs in life
and have a cravin to become a mother.she fought against all the odds..of my state and her family and had the last smile.am sure on day she was on the top of this world..and no wealth can her joy.at 62 wherein almost everything think its all up and over,a woman all alone started the most beautiful phase in life..parenthood..
am sure that she was on cloud 9 and her immculate joy would have definitely radiated into her community some where in central kerala..
the world would have suddenly turned the best place to be for her and she would have definitely prayed for longer life..to make sure..her kid grow up and fly out of her wings..into the skies..all alone ...one fine day...all these days ...may b thats the only prayer she had.

and then...life didnt stop any where for all of us too..we too had our moments of joy & tears
Today feb 10th,2006...
i started off my day with a message from my sister..and then a subsequent talk to her..
and when i read the newspaper..i was hell shocked..the teacher,lost her baby in a trivial domestic incident.the kid slipped into a bucket of water.how can any one tolerate that?some how am not able to get past tht news..i can imagine the pains of gettin a kid at 62 and then loosin out him to destiny..the vaccum its gonna bring in her life is beyond words and expressions and none other than some one who lost the beloved can appreciate it..
its the worst life any one can dream about..loosing out all hopes about tommorow..and then realisin a great life as though in a dream and then everything gettin shattered in a moment..Cant imagine the plight of that unknown mother.
Gods must be crazy !!!!!

Joinin a heart broken mother in her bereavement..